


tick tick tick

by ataraxia_807



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:30:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6874114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ataraxia_807/pseuds/ataraxia_807
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a real weird quick thing i threw together because i couldn't stop thinking about a breakup</p>
            </blockquote>





	tick tick tick

_tick tick tick_

Her eyes keep flashing over to the clock on your bedside table. You only barely resist the urge to roll your own. That, or scream.

“If you want to go, then go.”

She looks up at you quickly, gauging your reaction and whether or not she can take you at your word. It takes half a second for her to realize that you’re testing her, daring her to move.

“I want to stay.”

But you know her body; at least you know it well enough. She’s poised for flight: one foot already out the door, the other busy tap-tap-taping itself against the solid wood nightstand.

_tick tick tick_

The clock is unforgiving. It holds the schedules that are unwilling to bend, unable to change; flight tickets and train stations and she needs to call that cab because traffic this time of day is terrible but you don’t want her to move an inch unless it’s towards you and not the door.

“I know …”

You start to speak, but really you don’t. You don’t know anything, much less how this is going to play out. You’re scrambling for words, the right combination, the right things to say to make her stay put and not leave, not go so far away to where you cant touch her, hold her, fuck her.

“I know you have to go and I want you to. I think it’s the right choice for you.”

Again, another question in her eyes that your own can read faster than lips can move. She doesn’t believe you, wants to believe you, wants to have her cake and eat it too. She wants all of the treats in the world and you’d die to give them if only your knees would bend before her.

“You should, actually. You should go. You’re going to be late. I don’t want you to miss your flight.”

You can’t bend. You won’t bend. You don’t know how to bend and she’s already standing to leave. She crosses the room, not where you need her to go, and grips the handle of her wheel bag. It’s small, you notice. She didn’t bring much, didn’t plan to stay, and didn’t think she’d need more.

“I’ll call you, okay? As soon as I land. My phone’s already set up … from last time.”

When you first met her, saw her, you felt a warm shock from the crown of your head to the balls of your feet, thought wildly of angels and goddesses and other ethereal creatures that you’d never believed truly to be real. As you got to know her, began to love her, the shock melted into a second skin that you knew you were meant to grow into. It’s already congealing in your chest though, transforming into a raw edged, salt rubbed wound that she’s grinding into the ground with each step to the door.

“Ash, I …”

_tick tick tick_

The mask slides on and when you stand to face her, you’ve composed a believable lie that you’re going to

“’Be just fine, I promise. It’ll be okay.”

You both know how much the other is lying. You’ve been transparent to the other since the start, as though you each held the schematics for the other’s vault.

“You love Germany. You’re going to do so great. I’ll be right here.”

It’s not necessary to add: waiting. You both know that to say it would be a line drawn. It would be a line drawn with brash intention to cross it.

_tick tick tick_

“Okay. I guess I’ll just … I’ll go then.”

But instead of passing through the door and allowing the taut lines of your arms to relax, she turns on her heel and heads straight back to you, blazing fear and desire in her amber eyes. You try, God you fight to keep your fists at your sides, fingertips digging into your palms but it’s a reflex that you never want to change. Seamlessly, she crushes into you as you wrap her to you, slotting your bodies together so tightly, so closely, you’re not sure who is who anymore.

“I’ll miss you every single day.”

“I know. I know, Al. Me too.”

 _God please, don’t. Please don’t do it._ But she does. She tilts her head, mouth searching but is found instead because you’re incapable of denying her this. It doesn’t take long to get you dizzy, to get you desperately clawing at each other’s shirts, and you’re strong enough, you can stop the spinning of the earth and keep her with you. You can stop time and turn it back and you don’t know if you’d rather just never have met her because this pain, this pain hurts _so fucking bad_.

When she pulls away, teardrops have traced lines of mascara down into the dips below her eyes and you use your thumbs to wipe them away, beg your own not to fall. There’s so much that can’t change, so many things to be unsure of that it’s almost asinine to change course now. As your foreheads press together, fingertips laced, her shaky breath releases in a long, slow stream.

“I’m sorry. I have to go.”

You can only nod, as you no longer trust your voice not to crack. There’s time for one more quick brush of your lips to her temple and then she’s starting the count of the space, the canyon that will erode between you. By the time she has the cab company on the phone, she’s walked out and to the stairs. It’s all you can do to anchor yourself to your doorframe, plead with physics to keep you tethered so as to not make a fool of yourself.

It’s easier once you move to watch her from the window, even when you tell yourself that you won’t care if she never actually looks back. She’d never pretended that she didn’t know when to shut off and keep going and you didn’t expect this to change for you. But you linger too long and after a tight u-turn on your street, your eyes meet between fifty feet and two glass windows and the first sob of many finds its way out of your mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> be nice, this is my first rpf/fanfic ever


End file.
